Lovely words make me cry

To put it into the words of a five year old,  after a couple of months of Mrs L joining, Armaan said to me 'Mummy Mrs L is really beautiful because she looks after me so much.' 

Enough for me!! #wipestear #sob

A little bit of catch up

Good morning all :o)

Well a good night's sleep cured all my ails after the day before yesterday's big pile of poo, but I just ran out of time to post then - I spent my lunchtime on Tuesday in the dinner hall and on the playground ... I carried* one 6 yr old out of the lunch hall. She'd been given a cheese roll** ... you know where the top of the bread has grated cheese sprinkled on it before it's baked ... for lunch and didn't want it. School policy is that uneaten food goes home - so parents know what the child has eaten/likes/dislikes etc. L wasn't happy with this and flung said cheese roll across the hall and told me to "fuck off!" when I asked her to retrieve it! 6 yrs old! Fuck off to a teacher?! My mother would have skinned me alive. She then threw her yogurt - which was open, the lunch bag, the plastic box and the flask! So ... after three verbal warnings, out she came! After time out and an apology we hugged and made up.

Then at about 2:30 a little lad decided he'd had enough of class, ran out of the door, through the hall, down the stairs, he hit the exit button ran across the playground, scrambled through the railings*** and pegged it up the road. Two of our male teaching assistants and a teacher followed at a gallop but of course had to get through the KS2 building and weren't quite as fleet of foot as little J. They eventually found him walking along a local dual carriageway on his way to London apparently - to see Gordon, to tell him that the teachers at his school were not doing their jobs properly - I swear to god that's what he said!! This was his second escape of the week. New fencing was erected on Tuesday evening - welcome to the jail everyone.

After all of that as you can imagine I was really quite glad to get home and then yesterday happened to me! We have three Slovakian lads in yr 6 (last yr of primary school, aged either 10 or 11) who see themselves very much as gangsters "ruling the roost." Two of them are currently on lunchtime exclusion because of fighting, swearing, intimidation of other children, racketeering**** and shouting at teachers and children. They returned to school 40 minutes late at the end of lunch-time yesterday, continued the swearing/posturing/shouting/threatening to the headteacher and I and refused to go into class. And then one of them tried to punch me. He rolled his sleeve up to show me his muscle and punched out at me. Luckily, some fight or flight instinct had me moving backwards quicker than I thought I could and a hand in front of my face. For the next hour (until his mother turned up - 5 day exclusion immediately) the behaviour continued, they told everyone who walked past that the head and I had hit them, lied about them and that they were going home to ring the police. Eventually M's mother and older brother arrived full of temper and shouting too ... 45 minutes of talk***** later they all left - I feel quite sorry for M as I fear he was going home to a beating but I am so happy that his class teacher has a week of peace and quite ahead of her.

Sometimes, I wonder why I do the job ... here's to a great Friday eh?

* I have a Team-Teach certificate and I then filled in my positive handling report before I went and had a good cry in the corner!

** Yum, lucky mare - I'd kill for one of those right now!

*** Skinny little tyke.

**** Not yet but soon I swear.

***** Older brother, a good kid, translated. Mum is at her wits end.

Murder? Moi?

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her nursery children put on his wellies. Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.” She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, “they’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear them.” Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left, to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?” He said, “I stuffed them in the toes of my boots.”

Her trial starts next month!

My Mum - So Cain, what do you think we should write on the card to go with little Nan's flowers?

*After a long, hard think*

Cain - I think we should write I hope you like it where you are little Nan!

I love kids, they get it right so often and we don't acknowledge it!

Yesterday morning mid playground

One of the girls in my class came running up to me and grabbed me in a hug - yes I know the government says we're not supposed to hugh/touch children; I didn't, she hugged me ... you try getting them not to - and said ...

R - Oh Mrs L, you smell like custard without being yellow.

Boots Vanilla body spray strikes again!

Newbies!

So our new children began to "start nursery" yesterday morning ... up until now they've only come for a visit or to join in a fun session. The oldies from last year have been back full time since Monday.

Gosh, yesterday morning was trying ...

Me - We're going to sing our good morning song.
J - I'm not!
Me - That's ok, we'll sing it anyway and you can join in if you'd like.
J - You bloody won't.

**breathes deeply**

And then there was ...

Me - Come and sit on the carpet A.
A - Can't teacher.
Me - Why not my darling?
A - My bum hurts because I need to poo.

And finally ...

J (yep the same one) - Oi teacher, if you don't let me go outside and play right now I'm telling my dad on you and you'll get a time out!

I'd have gladly taken a time out away from him!

So ... fingers crossed for Friday :o)

Revenge

We've just got rid (they've gone up to senior school) of a "behaviourally challenging" year group - not the whole year group of course, but a group of about 20 children within it. Do you get the idea that if I say "behaviourally challenging" it means absolutely, bloody, awful behaviour - well if you do you're right. I don't mean pranksters, jokers, wise crackers in the back corner of the room. I mean physically aggressive, mental little monsters. Children already known to Behavioural Support Services, Social Services and the criminal justice system. Children who would lie, fight, bully and do anything they could to come out on top - whoever they hurt on the way up.

We first asked for help and guidance from Behavioural Support when the group were 5 years old. Over the years we have put so much time and effort into trying to help them change ... to no avail. And in fact the "problem" group within the year group had swelled.

I'm sorry to say that I don't feel any sadness about them moving on, I won't miss them and I don't really care if we don't get them back as visitors. And I also feel no remorse for what I did yesterday. A group of them gathered at our school fence to heckle the children inside. Their taunts were offensive, racist (even though 2 of the boys were themselves Sikh) and threatening. I approached the fence and asked them to move away.

One of them came straight back at me - you can't ask us to go away, we can stand here if we like, it's the pavement. I repeated my request and added that I wanted them to go away because they were winding the children on the playground up. No!

I was rapidly working out my options when help arrived on a white charger - a passing police car saw what was happening, slowed, reversed and parked next to the boys. They didn't half move on pretty damn quick when he asked. I blew him a kiss for his help :o) Ah revenge. Do I feel guilty - fat chance!

This week, it could only happen to a teacher ...

Walking across the playground on Tuesday morning. Knowing that football is only allowed on the field* - we have handball courts on the playground. I see a year six boy kicking a tennis ball to his mates and say in a loud, clear voice ...

"M, you know your balls shouldn't be anywhere near your feet! You lot should only be playing with your balls with your hands!"

I then had to go to the aid of my colleague who was laughing so much he developed a hernia. My face was scarlet. Every single lad in year six was howling with laughter!

Yesterday afternoon J comes running too me in the nursery shouting "R has had an accident, he's pulled the knob off the toilet door. I walk into the toilet and say "R where are you?" A little voice comes from the last cubicle so I walk over, peer over the top to discsover that the knob has in fact come unscrewed. "No problem R" I say "give the knob to me and I'll screw it back on."** R passes me the knob and I begin to screw it on when I suddenly realise it's slightly wet.

So I say "this is wet R, what happened?" Where upon he points to the pale yellowy water in the toilet bowl and said "it went down there, I got it out for you!"

To some extent I am dreading today!!

* We're truly not being nasties it's to protect the littlies from flying footballs. They get to play football / soccer on the field every day.
** Luckily my littlies in the nursery are too young to catch me out on that first very obvious double entendre!

Good morning

It's Wednesday and I suddenly realised I haven't posted since Sunday ... doesn't time fly when you're having fun supervising 2 teacher training students who should have never been allowed on the education degree course.

The 2 students (from now on to be referred to as Mopey and Dopey) are crap! With a capital Cr! That's CRAP! Yesterday Mopey asked me for some paperwork and I said "no problem, do you want it to photocopy now or in the morning?" And she replied "what do you mean?" I heard a strange noise behind me and whipped around to see my nursery nurse sniggering in the corner.

20 minutes later a child said to Dopey, who was sitting with 2 or 3 children at the PC ... "I don't like this program, can you change it over?" And she turned and said "well I don't know how to change it, you'll just have to play that." And then turned her back on the child! WTF!!!! I got-up, went over, changed the program and through gritted teeth suggested that the next time a 3 year old asked her for some help she helped!

Jo (the other teacher) is going to give them "what for" this morning ... she's much better at that than me (who in theory is in charge)! They begin teaching on Thursday ... pray for us :o)

Sausages make me laugh

I almost had an asthma attack this afternoon.
I had to send a child away with a flea in his ear, I had to tell him I was crying because he had upset me soo much.
I had to leave the room, blow my nose, wipe off what was left of my mascara.
I don't know whether I can cope with this job.

B ~ Mrs L, J hurt me.

Me ~ J can you come here please? Why do you think B has come to talk to me?

J ~ I don't know.

Me ~ *Paddington Bear stare*

J ~ I hurt her.

Me ~ How did you hurt her?

J ~ *holds up plastic frankfurter* I poked her with my sausage.

This is when I began to laugh/cry/mimble.

Tuesday morning thoughts

Whose idea was World Book Day? It's not that I don't think it's a fab idea ... because anything that encourages anyone to read is a fab idea! It's just that some lousy literacy coordinator always thinks it's a great idea to dress up on World Book Day! So, you've guessed it! On World Book Day I will be the Very Hungry Caterpillar! Joy to the world and all that bullshit! No lady 1 and lady 2 ... there will not be photos! NO!

I think I miss marking ... any teacher out there reading this now thinks I need to be sectioned! But it's more of a missing seeing the progression that children are making. And the smiles when work has been enjoyed/shared. I'll get over it soon - honest!

Ah ... instant food last night! Who would have thought that Tesco's corned beef hash could be almost as good as my Dad's? Only almost Dad!!

Yesterday afternoon during a counting activity ... "Mrs L, what have you done to your hair? Did you dye it white? Because my mummy dyes hers orange." **raises eyebrows** So I need to get my hair done then!! Please note my husband (12 years older than me) has no grey hair ... you can tll who the easy one to live with is in this family then can't you?

I am really enjoying Masterchef BUT I have a hospital appointment tonight @ 6.10 and will miss it! 6.10??? I didn't know hospitals did 6.10 ... I wonder whose pudding will make Greg's eyes do "that thing" over the top of his glasses tonight?

Right a cup of tea calls ... have a good day BUT hey, let's be careful out there!

Yesterday afternoon

B ~ Mrs Langthorne?

Me ~ Yes B?

B ~ I've got a cock!

Me ~ *thinking not saying* Oh my God!! What did she just say?? *panic evident in the eyes*

Me ~ Pardon B? I didn't hear you?

B ~ I've got a cock!

Me ~ *looks around madly at the Nursery nurse and TA* I hope I mis-heared that! What did she say?

Kelly ~ *starting to laugh at me* She said she's got a cough Mrs Langthorne!!