Can you play hopscotch?

In school I am one of the senior lunchtime supervisors i.e. responsible for all the crap that goes on during our 70 minute lunch break. I'm the one who gets to "talk to" all the trouble makers, make a decision if someone needs to go home, deal with the "ooooh" first aid cases etc. So yesterday I was wandering around the playground - you know just checking!

Down in the corner of the playground we have lots of "game markings painted on the floor/wall - hopscotch, chess, targets etc and 3 angelic looking little girls are playing hopscotch! Bless. We give them weighted foam pieces so they don't have to throw stones - it's lovely! I wander towards them to say well done. They look to be about 5 or 6 - foundation stage (kindergarten) age!

This to me is a scene from the quintessential primary school playground and it makes my heart warm!! This is why I am a teacher! :o)

And then when I walk up close to them I realise that as they hop up and down the numbers, on each hop they make they are swearing! So its a little like this -

5 year old Angel #1 - Fucketty, fucketty, fucketty, fuck! *stops picks up foam piece, turns* Fucketty, fucketty, fucketty *sees me* fffffffffffffff!

A prayer for Tuesday ..... with tongue firmly lodged in cheek!

Every single evening as I'm laying here in bed
this tiny little prayer keeps on running through my head.

God bless my nearest and dearest and other family

Keep them warm and safe from harm for they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing I wish that you could do.

Hope you don't mind me asking, Please bless my PC too.

Now I know that it's not normal to bless a mother board
But listen just a second while I explain to you, my Lord

You see that little metal box holds more than odds & ends
Inside those small compartments Rest so many of my FRIENDS

I know so much about them, by the kindness that they give
and this little scrap of metal takes me in to where they live.

By faith, is how I know them, much the same as you
we share in what life brings us and from this our friendship grew

Please, take an extra minute from your duties up above
to bless those in my address book that’s filled with so much love!

Wherever else this prayer may reach to each and every friend
please bless each email Inbox and the person who hits Send.

When you update your heavenly list on your CD-Rom

Remember each who've said this prayer sent up to God.com!
Amen

Bedtime last Wednesday

Me - right, bedtime everyone!

22 children - do we have to, 5 more minutes? Please?

So I wander off dragging the 8 girls, to get them to go to bed. I was part way through a story with them about a ghost teacher - not as scary as it sounds honest - more of a "be careful/polite & kind/work hard in school or this will happen to you!"

Girls - can you read the end of the story please?

Me - ok, but teeth and into bed quick! It's already quarter past nine. Ok?

*scrambling around, scrubbing teeth*

I pick up the book, turn to page 48 (from previous night) and 3 of them start snoring. Was it something I said?

I give up!

From Zinzan Brooke's Rugby Union column

To drop Gavin Henson and put in Jonny Wilkinson, who has been out of the loop for two years and only played his first comeback match about three weeks ago, is basically saying "OK, Wales may have won the Grand Slam but you're not good enough."

Do you have to wear a white jersey to play for this team or what? If Henson doesn't get in the Test team next week he may as well get on the first plane home.

It puts a big question mark against the whole squad ethos and Woodward is going to have to earn that knighthood now."

Are you listening Sir Clive?
Does 21-3 not ring any alarm bells with you?

Unconscious mutterings #125

I say ... and you think ...?

1. Useless :: creature
2. Radiant :: new mother
3. W :: VW Camper
4. Unpaid :: helper
5. Geek :: chic
6. Unfaithful :: bastard
7. Reboot :: bloody MS Windows
8. No! :: I won't!
9. Squad :: firing
10. Fetish :: shoes

Back after a technology free week!

Well, we had a fab week - Mandy and Mark were the best people I could have possibly gone with .... just a few quick photos to give you a flavour!

We went to Dover Castle

Did some pond dipping! The water lilies were fab!!

Stayed at a little country house I know!

Wandered along woodland paths in dappled sunshine.

Caught small creatures (to look at for a little while ....... we released them later honest!)

Went to the beach!

Went rockpooling! [Is that a real verb?]

Admired the scenery.

Created beach art!

I would of course love to show you more pictures, show you banner the children painted which is going to be on display @ exhibitions all around the country, write down their poetry & tell you all the stories, but I can't - children's safety of course. Isn't that sad! Necessary but very sad!

Awake at 3.51 am

I got back from my trip last night, knackered! Got shit faced on 2 brandy & cokes ....... that's what "having a heavy-handed husband" does for you and was asleep on the sofa by 8pm! Bed at 10pm and awake at 3.51 ....... WTF?

My next-door neighbours are on holiday & their son and his girlfriend are screaming at each other so loudly I can hear them through the wall - JASON, SHUT THE FUCK UP - I need more sleep!!! I am so going to "dob his cocky-24-yr-old arse" in to his mother on her return ....... that'll teach him!

See how mature I can be :o) See you all later!

See you all on Friday!

Well, I'm off for the week - residential trip away, me, Mandy, Mark and 23 lovely 7 yr olds!! Which would all be fine and dandy BUT and here is the crux of the matter ...... no Internet, no blog, no email & no online backgammon make Jo very "antsy"! You know kinda itchy!! *drumming fingers already* I'm sure it'll be lovely - castles, seaside, painting, fresh air, sunshine - all the things the geeky bit of me doesn't want!!

On a cheerier note - I have a fabulous pedicure to take away with me!! So, in case you're looking - I'll be the blonde teacher at the front with the fabulous toes! Mandy's the one with the pink hair! And Mark's the one - hell if you can't tell who Mark is I'm taking my new "push them right up there darling" bra back to Janet Reger!!

So until I get back, tell me - what exciting things will you be doing this week? &/Or How could I tell which one you are in a crowd?

Have a great week - see you on Friday!

Jo xx

p.s. I just found out (well yesterday p.m. that my sis-in-law is "reading me regular like" (there's Welsh for you!) .... so hiya & welcome to H - please remember to ring my darling husband whilst I'm away so he doesn't get lonely ;o)

Note to self : slag Simon off more on blog; that way H will take pity on him, invite him to stay and Ruth, Su and I can have a girly weekend of chocolate, wine and movies at ours!

Men are funny!

This post was inspired by Deb's latest responses to Friday's Feast

Asked the question What’s one word or phrase that you use a lot? Deb responded "Believe it or not, I curse. A lot when no one’s around but Scott and the cats lol. My kids would never hear me say it but “F*ck me running” is my favorite phrase and one I use most when no one’s around."

I think everyone needs to swear sometimes - often, for me, an expletive is a really necessary steam release & "creative cursing" is downright enjoyable! [I know there are those of you out there who will use all those comments my parents did when I was young about a lack of brains and imagination because I need to swear ...... you weren't in the car when my dad called that lady driving into the swimming pool car park a stupid blind c*nt!] I'm not offended by swear words - they're only words, they can't hurt me - I find feelings/displays of hate, bigotry, racism etc far more offensive!

Anyway ..... down to my story and the reason for the title of this post!

I finished university in July 1997 and came to Kent for an interview; securing a year 1 teaching position in a small semi-rural town nr Rochester I moved here permanently and started work in the September. [At the end of July I had visited for a week - to meet my "class to be" and get to know the staff/GB/parents etc] So, my job started. The school was nice - set in large mature grounds, green fields, built in the 1950s so not ideal but a good sized airy classroom, with big windows and even a little patio and grassed area outside the window!

So September comes around and I start work. I have my class of 30 little darlings and the "deep end" becomes my permanent home. I explained this school was built during the 1950s right? So, the toilets (as was all the rage in the UK then) are in the classroom not down the corridor. Great? Right? [Children don't need to go down the corridor to the toilet!] Wrong! I don't have the benefit of experience from being a parent to know that little children don't flush after they pee/whatever (yet another thing they don't tell you during basic teacher training along with ..... no, that's a post for another day!) September that year was warm (is the term Indian Summer non-PC now?) and by the end of the week the fragrance of the toilets each day was getting me down!

So I do a whole-class spiel about "flushing & washing (your hands)" - we talk about why it's important. I make a poster for the inside of the toilets near the sink "have you flushed & washed?" We have gold stars for "flushing & washing"! I make a gold "flushed & washed" star chart, (so your star is stuck next to your name for the whole world to see) - decorated with cartoon loos (toilets) and taps (faucets)! At the end of the week we give a certificate for the "top flusher & washer" in the class!* The whole nine yards, bells and buzzers on it, everything!

By the end of the week, pretty much everyone is getting it! The children are all "flushing & washing" in fact we are probably going to the toilet more than is really necessary because of the gold stars. We are there - all except for C. Let me tell you a little about C. C was a gorgeous child - dark auburn hair, creamy skin with a sprinkling of freckles over his nose, a wide smile you just HAD to smile back at & dark hazel eyes that looked straight into your soul! But not one original thought to his name bless him! C was actually a year 2 child, but was in year 1 because he just couldn't cope with the curriculum** - he found everything hard maths, literacy, even PE - poor coordination too. And C was not getting "flushing & washing!"

So on day C asks "Miss Collins, can I go to the toilet?" "Yes C" says I "and don't forget to flush and wash!" So off he toddles and ..... doesn't come back! One of the children is sent to find him and comes back to report "C is trying to flush the toilet!" *success* "He can't reach!" *bless* So I go to help C with his "flushing!"

There is of course a reason that C can't reach. This school was built in the 1950s, so it didn't have low level toilets like this with a little metal flusher on the side -

Instead it had toilets with a high sistern like this. You know the kind of thing? Handle on a long chain, pipe from the water tank down to the toilet etc.

So, C has reached up to pull the chain and can't reach high enough, he's only 7 (and small for his age too!) As I walk through the toilet door he has put his foot on the pipe at the back of the toilet to stand on the pipe so he can reach up and pull the chain (this has worked, the handle is in his hand) - just like I've asked him to! So, I say (maybe a little loudly) "No, C!" - so he'll climb down and I'll "flush" so he can just "wash!" - WRONG!

As I call his name, C turns, the movement dislodges the pipe from the rear of the toilet, he falls and all of his weight is now on the handle, which pulls, flushes the toilet and breaks off! The water comes barrelling down the pipe, which is no longer attached to the back of the toilet and splashes all over the floor - soaking C (who's sitting on the floor with the toilet chain in his hand) and me in the process.

My mind goes blank!

The water keeps pouring!

My mind is still blank! SHIT! Think Joanne quick!

I open my mouth and out comes a strangled "Mynyffyrny!"*** I grab a child, send him to get the caretaker (who arrives @ a gallop), pick up a sobbing C, wipe him off, change his clothes and mop the floor once the water has been switched off! C stops crying once he realises he's not in trouble! All sorted, no lasting damage, no-one heard me swear (and if they did, they didn't understand me anyway) - I get to keep my job! Hurrah!!

And then 3 weeks later, a little girl dropped a Lego model she had spent 3/4 of an hour making and shouted "men are funny!" Ooops ..... that would be me then!! Another generation on the slippery slope eh?!?

* I promise you I have got over the "I'm a newly qualified teacher and I will hit you with a 25 pronged attack" phase of my life - honest ;o)
** This made his successes all the sweeter for him and me!
*** pronounced mun-uff-ar-knee - Welsh for "Oh bloody hell!"

Unconscious mutterings #124

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Domesticated :: pet
2. Cask :: ale
3. Wayne :: Wayne's World
4. Insidious: : creep
5. Cool! :: as a cucumber
6. Dishwasher :: heaven
7. Little house :: on the prarie
8. Stepford :: Wives
9. Hung :: out to dry
10. Falling :: for you

All the way from NZ

I got a post card, so much nicer than a bill. The postman said he thought NZ looked nice - I think he must have a sheep fetish! [And you thought the Welsh were the odd ones!!]

Thanks Sara

Love - Jo xx

p.s. yours is on the way!

Bloody buggering blogger!

Buggeration! It lost my post! Bloody, bloody, bloody *stomps away screaming*

*stomps back* What's bloody "recover post" for then?