Simon is currently unemployed; I haven't been able to tell you about this up until now because I was am so bloody angry with him. Not because he is unemployed - but because of the way he found himself in this predicament ... I rang home @ 5pm on the 2nd Tuesday night in July to say "did you remember I'm playing poker tonight? Don't hog the bed, I'll crawl in about midnight!" To be told that with no real* warning he had handed his notice in and would be finishing on Friday!
* We decided that he would look for a new job (because he hated the last one) when we returned from our holiday and then WHEN he had "said new job" ~ he would finish the current one ... mortgage/credit card payments and all that jazz!
Needless to say ... no, I am not going to beat around the bush ~ I was/am devastated! I thought that marriage was about communication, understanding and team work and here was my husband (in my opinion) acting like a selfish single man. Unfortunately I am really rubbish at confrontation; so here I sit nearly 3 months later still not having had the really big screaming shouting yelling crying blow-up that I probably needed in July!
Why is it that the people who can really hurt you most of all are those you love the most? Where does he think the money to pay the mortgage is going to come from on November 1st?
Why am I so crap at confrontation? Why can't I be steely cold like my other sis-in-law? (By other I mean the one married to my brother not Simon's sister who is a truly lovely human being ... except when she's painting garden walls ... and I don't think could be steely cold if she really, really tried!)
I have a couple of people to thank in all of this ... Ruth, Su, Kev, Jo & Simone and my parents (... and my painting teacher/his wife!!) have put up with so many rants, tears, panic attacks, screaming fits, bouts of complete puzzlement ~ thanks guys; above and beyond the call of duty as always!
Right I think I'm at the end of this post and I still have no idea where it is going .......... it's taken me a week to write it already and if I don't publish now I think I'll proabably chicken out and delete it!! It's not that I want Simon to read this ... it just needed writing! For me!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Jo is asking WHY?
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6 comments:
Hey, you and me both girl. I can't cope with confrontations at all. I sweep it under the carpet for the time being and then build up a certain resentment, which makes me grit my teeth til I have no molars left. It's better that you blog it out on here...better than Simon waking up to find he's been all tied up, duct tape over the mouth and you pacing back and forth yelling about it anyway.
Can I assume that Simon is avidly looking for work at the moment? How is he feeling about his spontaneous decision now? The thought of coming back from holiday and having to face that hateful job must've got too much for him. Unfortunately the pressure is now on you to bring home the bacon. I'm sorry, I know I'm only saying stuff you already know, I'm no help.
Maybe you need to have your screaming match with him, get it out of your system, tell him how you really feel about it. He may not fully understand the impact it's had on you. The ranting and yelling will get it out...hopefully you'll both be able to sit down and talk about it rationally, and then put a game plan in place, so the two of you can go back to working as a team.
Onwards and upwards! Hang in there Jo.
*hugs*
I have issues about what couple should share and what they don't have to. Like buy houses, cars, boats , great pot and not sharing, quiting their jobs without discussing it. And my favorite going to the hair dressers and payingt $500 to look like Boy George.
I think big things should be shared and unless he had serious problems at work he could have found a job first them told them BAH BAEEEEEEE.
As for you being mad and steaming SRCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAM!!!!!
I did after I found myself sleeping with a Boy George look alike.
Lisa - thanks, yes, onwards and upwards!
Walker - $500? My god that's alot for a "do!"
Hey Jo. I can fully understand your frustration with this one. When you are first married the learning to think of yourself as two halves of a whole, instead of just a whole comes easier to some than others! (*coughs* writing from experience...).
Writing it down is just step one - telling him about it is step two - but easier said than done.
Decisions to do with money are so, so important, and they have to be mutual even though it may involve, no, make that probably will involve conflict!
Crossing my fingers for ya.
Poor you JO. Horrible situation to be in. It does seem that the closer the problem is to you the deeper it goes. I am useless at confrontation and usually end up in a big weeping blob of yuk. I usually just end up trying to point the person in the right direction with simple small comments/questions.
thinking of you
Hard to know what to say here, but it sounds so incredibly selfish of him to have made such a monumental decision without you getting a vote. Men.
Sorry that it's caused you a rough time, Jo :(
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