Playing catch-up

Simon and I have decided to go to France for Easter - he just needs to get on with it and book holidays now. He has to ask for the time off that I have told him to ask for first before accepting what he thinks he will be given - I know, cryptic BUT I know what I mean!! We do need to go, to inspect the new patio if for no other reason!

I have taken photos for yesterday 81/365 on the other blog BUT am very bad at posting them on/in time ... how do I get around this?? No, I have no idea either!

Posting will be worse when I get to France BUT **major drum roll** the sleepy French village now has Broadband that WORKS! Hurrah! And how long long did that take?*

Brush teeth before moisturing hands - you can't get any traction on a toothbrush with E45 cream on your hands!!

Child Protection Training today at The Friars! Training and monks and the relics of St Thérèse of Lisieux all in one day! Sister Philomena would be so proud! I'm not enthralled by the thought of lunch - I bet friars are parsimonious and think dry bread and water are sufficient if God is with you. You know and I know that I'm sooooooooooo not a dry bread and water kind of girl! I couldn't even be a dry bread and water kind of girl if it was artisan organic sourdough and San Pellegrino ;o)

*Interjection of small **NOTE TO SELF** Your mother may now be reading your blog again - be aware, very aware!!

More in the neverending list of notes to self

Fact - the low energy bulb in the bathroom is crap. Fact - if you put make-up on in the morning in the bathroom with that bulb you will look like Coco the Clown. Simon only put the bulb in because it was free! **Note to self** Change lightbulb whilst HE is not looking.

Parents arrive this evening on way back to France. **Note to self** Put dishwasher on before you leave for school or you'll get the "what did I raise" look from your mother again!

I don't know why I suddenly feel like I've been kicked whilst I'm down, run over by a 4 wheel drive and left for dead on a deserted road BUT oh boy it's only Wednesday and I am knackered! Where's my get up and go gone too? I could do with a nap (at 7am) or a holiday ... please stop the world I want to get off!! **Note to self** Enough Joanne - sleep!

Notes to self

Why oh why do you always leave it until the very last minute to book the MOT?? **Note to self** The car tax is due on Monday - do something now!!

Walkers new Chocolate and Chilli crisps ~ they're trying them out. You love chocolate and chilli. You tried them out! They are FOUL **Note to self** Stick to cheese and onion, they won't make your tongue shudder.

Your hair needs colouring! Your hair needs cutting. It's making you look that age you don't want to talk about that you're going to be in August. **Note to self** Ring "Hannah the hairdresser!"

The handle has just broken on your toothbrush! New toothbrushes were on the shapping list last week. You never leave your toothbrush this long. FFS?!?! **Note to self** Buy a new toothbrush Joanne!

The neverending list of notes to self

You've just had to throw your fried egg sandwich* away, yes, you were catching up on Tony and Alex - horrible case of a man who was fattening up and then eating his victims - bleugh ... NOTE TO SELF ... Don't try to eat breakfast whilst catching up on Wire in the Blood. It is grisly and gorey and it will make you feel pukey!

You need new bedroom curtains. You're going to drag Simon kicking and screaming to the Dockside shopping centre. He'll then have to be "cajoled" into putting them up ... NOTE TO SELF ... Get him to clean the windows first - he wont think about it! Better still - you clean them, they'll be done properly!

Blisters on the back of your feet are going to make wearing shoes impossible tomorrow. It'll be sandals and slippers for you - really good in the rain and very professional at a staff meeting ... NOTE TO SELF ... throw those trainers away - you've tried and tried to break them in, it's not happening, bin them.

* Spray fat, 1 egg, 2 slices nimble bread - 4 WW points!

Even MORE further notes to self

If you ask Margaret for a lift to work again then she will talk all the way there. Whilst Simon will have the car and be able to go to the tip, she will give you bucket-loads of detail about people that a) you don't know b) you don't ever want to know. She will give you names, dates of births, favourite food-stuffs and National Insurance numbers and expect you to remember them. You WILL end up with the mother of all headaches by lunchtime. NOTE TO SELF ... Carry extra-strength Panadol/Syndol when you have a lift with Margaret.

Jack will scream today, he screamed (and hit) yesterday, he screamed last Thursday and last Friday. He will scream today. 4 more newbies start today. At least one more of them will try the screaming / quiet sobbing / combo-of-both lark. NOTE TO SELF ... forget buying painkillers when having a lift with Margaret, go to Tesco for extra-strength Panadol/Syndol today!

You would like to go to Paris for the day during half term. Virginie is expecting you! Fairly soon the Eurostar will be fully booked. The day you want is ALREADY low-availability. NOTE TO SELF ... book a god-damn ticket Joanne!!

Simon is not going to be happy about Paris for the day. Even though it's a purely girly day of chat and gossip, mostly in FRENCH - which he doesn't speak and there'll be children involved - which he most definetly doesn't do, he will feel that he is missing out. He is missing out, on a day in Paris. You can't lie about it. You are going to have to think hard about how you explain this to him! NOTE TO SELF ... think quick!

Yet again more notes to self

Did I say that being off on holiday would make me a better blogger? Did I? NOTE TO SELF ... Don't make comments like that - it's all lies! And you will be found out especially by pesky duck lovers!

The class teddies are not being looked after by the three year olds like they would be by you. NOTE TO SELF ... do this more often.

Having done the pre-trip visit, the class visit to the zoo will be fine. NOTE TO SELF ... Don't laugh at bonking, pooh-smelling gorillas or the elephant willies - the children (and their parents) will catch you out!!

Even, even more notes to self

Last week you made 3 co-workers cry! No, wait ... YOU can't MAKE anyone cry, it's their tear-ducts/emotions/frustration/anger that does all the work. But they cried because of things you said/they overheard you saying. Things that weren't meant to set off those feelings/emotions. It wasn't purposeful on your part. So, it's Tuesday already. No-one cried yesterday! NOTE TO SELF ... shut the hell up today it's just not worth the risk!

You presented a staff meeting yesterday. You filled the car at the petrol station on the way home. You had to go to Tesco on the way home last night. You did all those things with a big pink blotch on the cheek of your arse. NOTE TO SELF ... check chairs before you sit down today, 3 & 4 year olds don't care where they leave the playdough!

You have your mother's M&S credit card details. You know the turkey you are supposed to order. You're taking said turkey* to France in 11 days. You have to order by the 12th. That's tomorrow. NOTE TO SELF ... order the friggin turkey! That's not any turkey, that's an M&S turkey. Today!

On the nights of the 20th and 21st you are the emergency contact for the school. If anything happens you will be phoned. YOU! The police, fire brigade, the women's institute, they'll all ring you! NOTE TO SELF ... start hounding the caretaker. He's had two weeks to cut you a set of keys, he needs to show you how to use them and how to turn the alarm off. Grab him** today.

* It'll enjoy the trip!
** But wear those extra long rubber gloves and wash down with hibiscrub afterwards.

Even more notes to self

Good grief it's almost Christmas! When did that happen? We've got our first dress rehearsel on Monday and we don't know the words to When Santa got stuck up the chimney yet! NOTE TO SELF ... pay more attention when they talk about important dates! You're in charge, you just can't afford to look like a doofus!

Speaking of almost Christmas ... cards? Presents? NOTE TO SELF ... what was it you said last time? Pull your finger out! NOW WOMAN!

Your school work "to do" list for the weekend is growing. Yes, I know you crossed two jobs off it yesterday but it's still growing. NOTE TO SELF ... say no to anything else. You already have an ICT staff meeting to present on Monday and you can't handle any more work on top of that which you already have to do. Be brave. If the head/dep head/any combo of the two ask you to do something - just say NO!

When the clinical psychologist asks you if you tackled your sniper - lie! Say yes you did! NOTE TO SELF ... but look convincing ;o) She's a trained professional and she'll see through you. And then go and deal with the sniper - because she's a vicious, truth-twisting, mardy cow-bag hiding behind baby-blues and a blond fringe and needs taking down a peg or two for your personal satisfaction!

More notes to self

Weren't you listening when I said "don't forget your jacket"? The weather has (as I predicted) got colder and wetter and fouler* - are you stupid? Wait don't answer that Joanne! Note to self - leave a jacket in the car, one in school AND another at home. This can be used as an excuse** to buy a new jacket!

Poker tonight, here. I'm making curry and rice for munchies during the cards. Why did I offer to do that? Full day of work, followed by SLuT meeting, followed by bastard A2 commute and then cook? Note to self - go to Tesco's and buy veggies, crisps and dips instead! They wont mind, in fact Tracy will be pleased as I wont be starting a precedent. Not that I was Tracy - honest. Not that you'll be reading this as you're only a radical ebay-er*** now ;o)

France is a month away today. Note to self - pull your finger out of your nose and book the god-damn ferry before the price inflates completely!

Whilst we're on the subject ... you're going to France to celebrate Christmas. That's Christmas when you give presents. Note to self - whilst your finger is pulled, do some Christmas shopping. Three paperbacks for your mother are not going to cut the mustard! You've not even bought any cards yet ~ you've become a disaster!

* Hey I got a prediction right, maybe the met office will give me a job!
** You're right it's YOUR money, you don't need an excuse, because let's face it even the bit of YOUR money that is his money is YOUR money anyway!
*** ebay-er ~ noun : one who ebays ;o)

Notes to self

I had to scrape the car window yesterday morning for the first time. Whilst I was there, the impossibly tanned next-door neighbour turned up and I lent him my scraper - note to self, next time remember that it was him and his missus bonking (she's incredibly vocal ... When Harry met Sally eat your heart out) that woke both Simon and I last Saturday night at 3am! Let him suffer!

Just because you've been lucky enough to be give an IWB doesn't mean it's yours and no-one else can touch it - note to self, stop being an absolute cow bag and let Katie use your room and that big picture screen once in a while! It doesn't have to be now, but it will have to be soon!

The weather is going to continue to get colder and not warmer - note to self, don't forget your jacket again this morning, you've got playground duty and you will freeze!

My gay best friend came to dinner last night. I was very pleased to see him! Very, very pleased - note to self, even if the man is gay, if you're that pleased to see him your husband will get the hump!

I am so struggling with NaBloPoMo - note to self, next year plan some posts in advance / keep some in reserve during October / don't do NaBloPoMo.