The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink and continued to plug away at the drink throughout the mass. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka, don't gulp!
There are 10 commandmants not 12
There are 12 disiples not 10.
Jesus was consecrated not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The father, son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Dad, Junior and the Spook!
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
When David was knocked off his donkey do not say he was stoned off his ass!
We do not refer t the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said "take this and eat for it is my body." he did not shout "eat me!"
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry!"
The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub! yeah God!"
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St Taffy's.
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