Here and now meme

Currently reading? :: Chris Manby's Ready or Not ... it's ok, not as good as her others but it's taking my mind of glitter and nativities!

Next book to read? :: I don't have one on my list at the moment, anyone got any recommendations? Other than a dictionary so I can spell recommendations first time without having to sound it out!

Last film seen? :: HP and the Goblet of Fire, not my favourite book but I thought the film was a fab version of it! Excellent under water scenes .... @ 12A in the UK, I didn't think it was suitable for littlies!

Next film to see? :: I want to see King Kong.

Yesterday’s dinner? :: Homemade spicy fish cakes with mushy peas ~ I'll be pleasant to be around today! [I always add a tsp each of malt vinegar and mint jelly to mine just before serving.]

Today’s dinner? :: Umm, poker tonight so probably just munchies alongside the cards!

Tomorrow’s dinner? :: Spaghetti bolognaise prepare by the lovely Simon whilst I'm at my governing body meeting.

Most recent purchase? :: Christmas is coming so I've been trying to get bits and pieces sorted out but I'm failing miserably as usual. Bought my dad a shirt from the Cotton Traders shop on Sunday, so there's just another 15 presents or so to buy as he's the only one I've managed!

What is in your diary for the next few days? :: It's a funny (peculiar not ha ha ha!), long old week in work ~ Christmas week in a primary school, can't you remember it? We're making cards, decorations, stained glass windows and calendars. We're performing our Christmas nativity 3 times (twice today, once tomorrow); then there's poker tonight, Christmas lunch and governor's meeting on Wednesday, party on Thursday complete with visit from the big man himself and finally on Friday the salvation army are coming in to give a carol concert ... it's a tradition on the last day of term. We have to put the nursery children right at the back as the brass instruments are too loud and it makes them cry.

We also have a teacher who I know I cannot let myself make eye contact with or be anywhere near once the Sally Army starts! The ladies who come along with them have tambourines / timbrels with ribbons attached that they bang and shake and fling around in the air. The kids love it and I think .... it's lovely for the children! So a couple of years ago, they're chucking their timbrels (see above but imagine uniforms) around and shaking the ribbons and said teacher Andy, creeps up behind me and whispers in my ear "yeh, that's fine, but I bet she can't keep the tassles on her nipples going in the same direction at the same time!" Since then, he justs stands across the hall from me and smirks and I loose it and have to take my dirty minded laughter elsewhere or have a pretend coughing fit.

What about you? Go on pick a question, any question, one from above to answer or another here and now one to ask!

Tales of tit-tape, toupees and tomfoolery!

It all started with cleveage ... mine, Leah's and maybe most specifically Sue's! I, as you may or may not have realised am packing some cleavage and as soon as I turned up at the pub on Friday I became aware that I had stumbled into a game of cleavage netball, well maybe not netball ... any object (not only a ball) was allowed and anyone's cleavage was fair game!

People had been at the pub for a while it seemed, having gone straight from work rather than disappearing home in between. After two direct hits, into mine (and I wasn't even showing what Simon would consider to be real cleavage) ~ a whistle from a cracker and a piece of an un-buttered bread* I was wishing that I had been at the pub for hours too! Anyway ... I soon noticed that the woman sitting opposite me (head of our junior department) was having no difficulties, her cleavage was repelling all boarders ... as if by magic!

So I boldly say (I know ... me bold, who'd a thunk it?) ...

Me ~ Sue, how come nobody can get anything down your cleavage?

Sue ~ that's the whole point, nothing's going down there!

Me ~ *looking puzzled* ????

Sue ~ last year the guy I got a lift with dropped his eyeballs down my top whilst I was trying to get in the car! So this year Andy (her husband) cut me some toupee tape to stick my top down.

Me ~ toupee tape? What's toupee tape and why have you got toupee tape at home anyway? Andy's not bald.

Sue ~ he was to embarrassed to go into a shop and ask for tit tape so he asked for toupee tape instead!

So guys, you'll be glad to know that eventhough there is no way that this guy looks even remotely bald he's d rather insinuate that he is than even suggest that on weekends he wears and a dress and calls himself Annabelle! Or that when his wife goes out he sticks her frock in place for her!

* come on guys, I lived (in France) with the horrors of bread crumbs in my cleavage ... you spend years practising the crumb flick to subtley remove them from said area! So the last thing I want is anymore down there!

Ok, I know I'm in trouble ....

... tit tape and toupees post coming Aunty Lisa and Sister Fizzy ~ honest! It's just that an "over-haul" is coming and I need to know how to put a picture into my blog header like the supremely clever Sister Fizzy did ... *Yorkshire accent being employed* so are y'awake up north?

Unconscious mutterings #149

I think ... and you say ... ?

Stalker :: obsessed
Outrageous :: over the top
Carrying :: the can for somebody else
Spirited :: a whole group of us on Friday night.
Oh! :: Oh no! A favourite phrase in a well known reading scheme for children's books.
Grid :: locked!
Country :: music
Karen :: Carpenter
Candles :: on a wick & a prayer ~ one of my favourites!
Relationship :: working at it.

Update ~ rampaged Kent!

A bum fetish Lisa? ... umm, well ... no; hands are what does it for me! But they do seem to have come up in conversation a lot recently!

The pub is now "in-recovery" and I am officially blogging drunkenly a la Sister Fizzy. But I am tired and need sleep so, drunken tales of tit-tape and toupees will have to wait!

Evidence of global warming?

What is it with little knickers? No, stop,I understand them .... I see the point .... but I don't want to see them ~ hoiked up at the back above the top of your jeans so the whole world knows your wearing a g-string. They're not sexy like that ... are they? Are they? *puts on teacher head* And they're not appropriate at 3.15 as you release the thongs throngs of little darlings across the playground .... because then K (her of wobbling clothes fame) yells (and I mean yells) .....

K ~ Oi, Jessica I can see your Mum's knickers!! They're right up her bum!

*shakes head* Thank god I am only her teacher!!

Right, got to go, going out on the "end of term is coming soon ~ hurrah!" razz tonight .... watch out Kent, drunken teachers on the rampage. I will try to avoid the temptation to come back and blog drunkenly ... that was try! :o)

Random Jo facts

Tagged by Fi... 5 random facts about me ... here goes. Wait ~ I couldn't finish my second 100 things, so there's no way I can manage 5 random facts. So this is 5 random facts about me / yesterday / things that happened to me yesterday!

Random fact #1 ~ I get woken up most mornings by pins and needles in my hands ... the beginnings of carple tunnel syndrome? No, I sleep with my hand pinned under my head/pillow.

Random fact #2 ~ I still get excited when the postman brings me letters in the name Langthorne *blushes* I'm not going to get soppy here honest! Yesterday I had 3 lovely letters ... a Christmas card all the way from Ontario, a gorgeous calendar from NZ which makes me want to go and visit all the more and a tax rebate of £54 ~ hurrah! So thanks you and un grand merci bien to you and thanks Mr Taxman!

Random fact #3 ~ I hate driving at night, especially in any king of modidifed road set up. Last night I got to have dinner with Kev as he was assessing a pub in Faversham ... just down the road and this was a fab excuse to get together. We went to one of my favourite pubs ... I'll take you there when you come to visit ... a little chunk of "quintessentially English" with fab beer (if you're not driving home!) The drive back was a killer as the A2 / M2 is currently cone city and also has a huge stretch of that high cement road edging. Whenever I am driving at night I can feel the car edging towards it and the concentration invloved with avoiding it gives me a headache ~ last night by the time I eventually got back here I was knackered with stiff shoulders and a horrible headache ... but dinner was fab!

Random fact #4 ~ [it should be noted I'm struggling with 2 to go] umm, wait, I know ... actually this might gross some of you out ~ lol! I don't believe that certain food can / should only be eaten at certain times, for example my mother thinks that you should only eat breakfast food at breakfast time ... I however eat sushi, tamago or sashimi for breakfast each morning. She shakes her head and looks at me pityingly and then leaves the room as she says I gross her out! I had tamago and California rolls yesterday morning.

Random fact #5 ~ a bit of a cop-out, but very random this final one. I have a ganglion smack in the middle of the cheek of my bum ~ my doctor suggests I hit it every day with a large book to get rid of it (she asked if I have something really heavy ... I neglected to mention we own one of these that weighs a ton) ... strangely, Simon has offered to help!

Right off to get ready for school ... please feel free to help yourself to this ~ have a great Thursday or Friday if you're nearly there!

Some easy ones to start you off!

Joining the staff and establishing targets

Click the thumbnails

Your task if you choose to accept it ...

... is to find the ducks!

As you'll know if you read this, I recently got to spend an excellent hot chocolatey evening in the railways station at Doncaster (like spies) ... what you don't know is I got a present when I got there!!

SO, in the best Mission Impossible style (befitting railway station secret agents like me and 00Fizz) ... your task if you choose to accept it, is to find the ducks ~ this blog will self destruct in 10, 9, 8 ... BANG!

Unconscious mutterings #148

I think ... and you say ...?

Amazing :: Grace
Delights :: of the flesh *wiggles eyebrows*
Inspired :: to paint
Disgusted :: by hate!
You :: and me, me and you, lots and lots for us to do ... don't you remember the really annoying theme tune! Cosmo and Dibs and educational stuff and no fighting so it was fine with my mum ... unlike Grange Hill but that's another story!
Vagina :: Monologues ... saw it, umm ... wasn't as funny as I thought it would be!
Palm :: tree
Sweetheart :: aww, don't cry sweetheart, I'll get the first aid kit and we'll wipe your knees!
Guilt :: comes easily to me, I need some backbone ... can I borrow some off somebody?
More to come :: me and this blog, to infinity and beyond me thinks!

p.s. Remember this? Well last night I got "that's different" ~ I am so not re-installing Husband 1.0

FAO Technical Support

Dear Tech Support

Earlier on this year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in any Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Motor Sport 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Only joking Simon!!

What is wrong with you?

Overheard on the playground yesterday morning!

Mother #1 ~ It's December tomorrow and I haven't even thought about what I'm going to get his (I assume she meant her OH) mother for Christmas!

Mother #2 ~ Yes, I need to write my Christmas dinner shopping list I'm really behind schedule already!


Overhead under Jo's breath

Jo ~ WTF????? GET A LIFE!