Men and women ... the differences!

Sent to me as an email (I chuckled and chuckled) by the wonderful Keri ... how many ring true with you?

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. Actually I play poker with "tart" and "slapper!"
If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and no-one will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. No need, I'm very good at mental maths but I only ever split the bill equally; can't cope with the "I didn't have a starter but I had a side of green beans" conversations!

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. *blushes guiltily*

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom :: toothbrush and toothpaste, shavingcream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. Isn't this an international law, honoured (and rigourously enforced) by the Geneva Convention?

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. Some women kick cats too!

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. No, never worried ... Simon was the worrier!
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man. I am still looking ... the current "Mr Collins" knows this fact!

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. I did?

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. "Simon, they've written about you on the Internet!"

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night. This woman believes some of the men out there should belooking in a mirror more carefully!!

OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. "Dad, they've written about you on the Internet!"

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

What a woman says :: C'mon ... This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.

What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah,blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW.

So come on; ladies / gentlemen ... comments please!